The Archetype of SOULMATES

by Heather de Wit – Founder INSPIRING SOUTH AFRICANS

SOULMATES

There’s been talk around soulmates for time immemorial and most often around a romantic bond or connection and perhaps sometimes an over-bandied word.

Many are yearning for and searching for their soulmate in the romantic sense and believe and hope that, in their fantasy world, when they find him or her they will be complete, happy, fulfilled, richer, better … Not true.

We all have different beliefs around this and there is no right or wrong – I believe we have many soulmates of both genders, including animals, that come into our lives for a certain time or a lifetime.

Animals have souls and therefore they too have soulmates and can be our soulmates in turn.

Soulmates ‘see’ and totally ‘get’ one another, have a strong affinity, shared values and tastes – They connect on a soul level and are completely honest with one another - They’re someone with whom you can be yourself, but this is not necessarily a perfect fit. They move in and out, as we choose to keep or discard them. They test us, teach us, help us to learn lessons, if we’re open to it and even guide us on this journey called life.

A joyous union or a dysfunctional one, not all soulmate unions are harmonious, nor are they meant to be.

A true soulmate is like a mirror, reflecting back to you the aspects within yourself that are holding you back from being your true authentic self, or you see in your soulmate aspects that you like in them and that you would like to have in yourself. They should make you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle.

A soulmate should ideally influence you to change and better yourself, in order to be the best you and should also bring out the best in you. Soulmates come in many different guises and we will all have many soulmate encounters in our lifetime, where we think this is 'it’ –  only to find down the line, that good old Mr. Fantasy had lured us in and hoodwinked us yet again and it could have taken just one sentence or a certain response, that made us change our minds and realize that this wasn’t in fact ‘it’.

  

ELEMENTS of a SOULMATE

·         An inner knowing a tenacious, profound and lingering emotion, which few words can express.

·         If you believe in past lives and your partner is your soulmate, they were probably present in your past lives. You might suddenly and briefly experience flashbacks of your soulmate. You might at times even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time has already taken place, perhaps a long time ago, perhaps in a different setting.

·         You just get each other – You often finish each other’s sentences.

·         You fall in love with their flaws, their imperfections and accept one another just as you are. Soulmate relationships will have their ups and downs, but because of the strong bond, acceptance and forgiveness during the downs will be easier.

·         It’s intense in both good and bad ways, but the bond always keeps it strong and accepting.

·         You are always mentally in tune e.g. You may call one another at the exact same time.

·         You feel protected and secure – your soulmate should not play on your insecurities.

·         You cannot imagine life with them, which often takes us to the fear of losing the other.

·         You look each other in the eye with your deep-seated connection.

LIFE PARTNERS

Life Partners without the essence of the Soulmate archetype can lack the elements to mould perfectly to you. They can be a great support, provider and long-time companion, but their capacity to enrich your spirit and really connect to you on a soul level is limited.

Some Life Partners marry or stay together, because they choose to settle for a multitude of reasons - For money, companionship, prestige or other, mainly because they have a real subconscious fear of being alone.

We were all born with free will and responsible choice and can, at any time, remain in or change any relationship as we see fit

We don’t need anyone to complete us 

We are complete just as we are !

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The lure of Fantasy

By Heather de Wit – Founder of INSPIRING SOUTH AFRICANS

As a curious human being, I don’t believe everything I hear and read, but the realm of fantasy is something that can make or break you, if you don’t dig deep and unpack what you are perceiving is your reality.

FANTASY, DREAMS and REALITY

Let’s look at fantasy, dreams and reality - How do we differentiate between them > When our heart rules ? or > When our head rules ? – Which one do we believe ?.  I believe there is a fine line between fantasy, dreams and reality, but that is my perception.

FANTASY

Fantasy is powerful – it pulls you in via TV, the Media, film, especially animated film, the Internet and all it represents and so on. 

What really pulls us in ? - Mind Control, which is nothing new and which has been practised for centuries and comes in many guises and talks of how ‘they’ lure you in so slickly. It just is what it is – Controlling the mind with fancy jargon, expectations, promises, hope and we get lured in either by the heart or by the head. 

Get rich quick and MLM schemes are one example – they pull you into the fantasy, hook you in with the same jargon – ‘We’re in … countries’  ‘Our top leader made … in … months. ‘We give back to …’  

All same same – I’ve been there, done that, worn the Tshirt and it did not work for me. Intrinsically, intuitively and in principle, I knew it was not me, not what I wanted to do, not what I believed in, but I got addicted to the jargon, the promises, the hope. I had to learn that first and when I eventually ‘got it’, I walked away from anything that smacks of it many years ago - for life !

DREAMS and VISIONS

A peep into some of my dreams and visions since I was a child.

As an avid and imaginative dreamer, while ‘asleep’ – for many years now, I’ve traveled to countries and places I’ve never been to in my lifetime – Astral traveling ? – I knew them, felt them, sensed the smells there - that déjà vu thing – What is that ?. I have my inner knowing of it and I do enjoy the ride and forgot to say - it has saved me a small fortune in airfares and other expenses !

I often experience what I call 'my black and white slide show' – flashes, in quick succession, of faces of departed people, visuals of animals and birds from decades, even centuries ago – Always in black and white, no colour – Past lives ? They won’t stop until I switch them off. I ‘knew’ them all well – So what was that ? - I have my inner knowing of it and I embrace the messages I get with gusto.

This one visits me often – a gorgeous lady singer, done up and dusted, perched on a stool, donning a glittering headband, complete with feathers, weaving a very long cigarette holder – in a smoky speakeasy during the prohibition era – about to burst into song – Jazz of course ! Who is she ? I’ve been there, I know her, I feel she a part of me. What is that ? I have my inner knowing here too, so I choose to simply enjoy and embrace her visits and enjoy the music !

All this in the realms of my dreamworld, which no one has privy to, unless I choose to share them.  The curious being that I am, I always try to write them down, as I remember them and to unpack them, to find my special message or lesson – I always seem to find one or a few, which alerts me to what needs to be done … or undone …

FIRST LOVE

Let’s go back to our first love – we should all have one, but not conforming to the norm and not believing everything I hear, I believe we can have many first loves. Remember the butterflies, the excitement, the high, the expectations, the hope - which, once experienced, we forever yearn to feel again – to experience that ‘high’ again.

So who was in charge of that First Love ? Was it the heart or the head ? And – was it just a fantasy – our fantasy – of a perfect experience between two people, with boundless possibilities for a ‘happily ever after’ ?

FAIRIES

As a child, around 5 or 6, I used to build what we called 'fairy glens' in a hidden part of the garden - make the fairies mud pies, pick flowers for them, give them cookies, all sorts - I swear I saw them early in the morning when I went to see if they had taken the pickings and every time, without fail, all the goodies had disappeared. What was that ? - Well Mom or Dad could have ? or ... ? - My knowing said what I saw was real and I loved believing that.

One of my favorite movies of all times  is FairyTale : A true Story - which I have watched time and again and never tire of it - My assumption - I fully believe those little girls ...

ALIENS

I have had a few visitations from Aliens - I saw them, I sketched them - What was that ? - I knew them, they knew me. The one was negative and it rattled me and I did not like their energy. My knowing knew why they came - why they were attracted to me and so I had to do the necessary process to detach them from my auric field. 

CHOICES

No matter what cards we get dealt in life, dream, fantasy or reality, we do get to choose how we will respond internally. 

We can choose to resist or resent them, either bemoaning our fate, or we can face and embrace them - Expanding in the moment to possibility, to the now, the present moment, which is all there is.

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Countryisms and Communication

By Heather de Wit – Founder of Inspiring South Africans  

ISMS

Every country in the world has their own quirky lingo or slang, commonly known as an 'ism', which defines its uniqueness and sets it apart. When we visit other countries and cultures, learning the 'isms' first is a great way of getting to the soul of the people. If you take the time to learn them and interact using their 'isms', something different happens - You communicate on a more human and humorous level, with boundless possibilities - You can share and laugh with one another, rather than at one another. Its also very good for Business !
I left out the swear words, as I thought I may get into trouble ... ! 

SOUTH AFRICANISMS

Many Afrikaans and African words have in time become South Africanisms and mainstream South African English – The colorful South African language is a mishmash of all sorts – We need to laugh at ourselves more, wherever we are in the world. Here are just a few - Enjoy !

ag  – used for any response – commiseration, joy, comedic, just about anything.

bakgat – an expression of appreciation for something very well accomplished e.g. ‘cool’.

bakkie – truck, pickup truck.

biltong - dried meat, similar to jerky.

boerewors  - popular type of sausage in South Africa.

boet - male buddy - from Afrikaans boetie, meaning brother.

boytjie – a guy – What a guy !

braai – noun: a barbecue - verb: to barbecue, from the Afrikaans braaivleis.

brak - mongrel dog, also brackish water.

bru - a term of affection, shortened from Afrikaans broer, meaning brother.

china - a friend or buddy

chommie - a friend or buddy - similar to the English 'chum'.

dagga - most commonly used word for marijuana.

dikbek - grumpy, in a huff.

dinges - a 'thingamabob' 'wotzit' or 'whatchamacallit. 

dof - stupid or slow to understand 

donner - to beat up, from the Afrikaans 'donder' 

droewors - dry sausage, similar to 'biltong' from Afrikaans 

eina - Ouch ! - probaby from Khoisan origin.  

eish - to express everything, ranging from frustration to surprise, to disapproval, displeasure, but also just everyday acknowledgement of things you cannot change.

gatvol -  fed up. 

howzit - general hello greeting.

is it -  Is it so ?

ja – Yes from Afrikaans

kwaito  – popular genre of music - a mixture of South African disco, hip hop, R&B reggae and a heavy dose of house-music beats.

lekker – nice, good, great – from Afrikaans. 

loskop - airhead, clumsy forgetful person. 

madiba - globally the name Madiba denotes South Africa. It is the name of the Thembu clan to which the belated Nelson Mandela belonged, derived from a 19th century chief. All the members of this clan can be called Madiba. Nelson Mandela was called Madiba as a sign of both respect and affection.  

moegoe - a stupid person, coward or weakling. 

moer - to hit or fight with.

mzansi – Xhosa word for South Africa.

now now – in a minute, shortly, in a bit.

outoppie – father or older male figure.

shame – could be compassionate, happy, adoring – just about anything.

skelm – do things on the sly - a crook or trouble-maker a mistress or secret lover. 

skinner - gossip. 

skraal - very hungry or very broke. Derived from the Durban region from Afrikaans for 'thin' or 'emaciated'. 

slaptjips - similar to thick-cut British chips - usually soft, oily and soaked in vinegar. 

sosatie - a kebab on a skewer. 

stoep - a porch or verandah, like the American English stoop. 

stompie - a cigarette butt or a short person. 

stukkie - a woman from Afrikaans meaning 'a piece' - mostly used when referring to a woman that you have casual encounters with. 

tata - means father in Xhosa. An affectionate name for the belated Nelson Mandela, who was referred to as the father of the nation. 

toppie - an old man. 

vellies - veldskoene - a traditional Afrikaans outdoors shoe made from hide. 

vuvuzela - inspired from a Kudi horn - A plastic horn, which produces a loud monotone note and allows pitch variation, depending on the blowing technique and pressure exerted. It is commonly used at South African football matches. 

ubuntu – Used in South Africa and all of Africa - means I am because you are, Human kindness, Human-ness, I am human because I belong to the human community and I view and treat others accordingly, people are people through other people. 

yoh - an expression of surprise.

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What is it that I think I love ?

What is it that I think I love – that I feel I need to complete me ?

How many times in our lives could we have asked ourselves this question and about anyone – be it friend, parent, sibling, lover, spouse, teacher – whoever  ?
 We are defined by the choices we make, but long before we get there, as little 7 year old beings and thus forward, we are brainwashed and bombarded with expectations, limited beliefs, societal demands, peer, sibling and family pressure and rivalry, media hype and other influences as to the meaning and demands of love in relationships. 
  Let’s go back to our first love – that ‘butterflies in our gut feeling’ –  With that came the hope and anticipation of a life partner. 

But, we didn’t even know who we were then, nor did we know our first love, nor did we deconstruct what we loved about that person – What feelings did they invoke and ignite in us with their looks, laugh, demeanor, roots, stance ?
. Perhaps we never had a gauge to measure by – a father or mother, that's if they were present ? – More often than not, without knowing what we think we love, we take it to the next level - of marriage or living together.

Perhaps we don’t have the tools yet to question how that first love is invoking this feeling of bliss in us – we don’t know that the attributes that we are attracted to are really traits we like in ourselves, or would like to have in ourselves.

Our first love is a defining moment in our lives ... 

So what is this feeling saying to our brains and emotions ?
 This is what I’m looking for - my other half, soul mate, life partner, someone to share my life, my thoughts and deeds with, to laugh with, make love with, plan with, trust with, always seeking their approval and validation.

All of this we feel we need, on condition that we get all this back !  When we don’t, the process fails, we become disillusioned.  If this disappointment is not communicated, we don’t have the tools to understand or process the why – why our fantasy expectations have let us down.

So we go to other spaces like withdrawal, looking elsewhere for a partner, non committal anger state, depressive state, pride. We get stuck in what might have, should have, would have been – an unhealthy, imobilised state of mind, which will manifest eventually in physical illness, addiction, chemical or other negative addictions, physical or mental abuse - to fill that hole.

That void triggers what we 'think' we love - in terms of their traits, quirks, looks, laugh, physical looks, nature, personality.  Most of us are not tooled with ‘how to’s’ when we start opening up and committing to a perceived ‘love’ relationship.  The vital tools are - asking the right questions before giving ourselves over and exposing our souls.  When we ask ourselves the truly honest questions – no lies – we will begin to see an absolute pattern and the truth - what we are seeing is our fantasy of a hope for outcome - ‘and they lived happily ever after’.

Asking the right questions will give us all the gut feel warning signals, which we can only heed and follow if we have the tools to take a stand or make the right choice. But, we got swept into the fantasy - our fantasy - with little or no regard to the future implications - doggedly hanging onto bliss and this love stuff  we think we’ve found to complete us !   

Then stuff happens and buttons are pressed, hackles rise, our shadow self and insecurities emerge, anger rears its ugly head, jealousy peeps out, tribal family stuff is dragged into the picture – perceiving their stuff – Wrong ! We get stuck there, instead of facing our own reality from our gut – we lose ourselves in this and lose sight of our authentic selves and the right questions we should be asking.

Who am I, why am I here – what is my purpose here on earth ? – ask, ask, ask, but find a safe and quiet space to do this – the answer always comes ...

We are complete just as we are …

By Heather de Wit

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